and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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