I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
