You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
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"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
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turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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