There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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