you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
