is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
