Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
