I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
