ya dads aren't the best wingmen
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
