you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
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In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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