We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
