wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
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i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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