Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
