Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
