The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
