Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
