Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
