thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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