You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
