No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
