he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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