birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
