My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
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