Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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