Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
