We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
