I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
