During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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