I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
