I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
