my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
