You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
