I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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