u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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