Me. At least after what I've been through.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
