i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Randomize
