Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
