next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
