i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
