I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
