I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
