Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
