Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
