All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
