I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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