Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
