I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
