Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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