I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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