"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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