I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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