I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
