youre lurking in front of me
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
