White coat. Heels.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
