she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
