He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I AM VODKA MAN
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
