mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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