chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
