it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
