i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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