So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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