i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
