he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
