when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
