I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Randomize
