it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
