I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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