Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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